Return to Daniel Summary

Welcome to my Return to Daniel Summary post.

Disclaimer: This website contains sensitive information about gender dysphoria, gender confusion, sex change surgeries and how I detransitioned from the sex change process that I went through myself. You will have to verify you are above the age of 16 to access videos, posts and pages of this website. Click on my You Tube Video Below to hear me describe my journey.

Disclaimer

I am not here to make any political statements about this sensitive issue. I am not here to condemn anyone that lives an alternative lifestyle.

My mission that I have received from the Holy Spirit is to just tell my story of how God healed me of the mental illness that is known as Gender Dysphoria.

History

Growing up in the south with 1 brother and 2 sisters was challenging. Our mother died from alcoholism in 1977. She had mental illness. It has not been easy to write the Return to Daniel Summary post because I have to revisit painful experiences.

All my life I have struggled with relationships. Mother abused me as a little boy by telling me that I would never amount to anything. My father had divorced my mother in 1963. I can still remember her giving me a bath and telling me that I would be worthless as she washed all of me, including my male genitals. As a result of this emotional and verbal abuse, I was an alcoholic waiting to happen. Low self-esteem plagued me in my childhood. Here is my baby picture from probably 1961.

Age 18 to Transition to Female Body Parts

I went through a normal puberty and have always been attracted to women. I have had difficulty keeping girl friends because of my low self-esteem and co-dependency that is rooted from the child hood abuse. I was not nurtured the way a child should be loved. Being a loner was comfortable for me. This led to masturbation problems when I would cross dress in women’s clothes. Here is my senior class picture from 1977.

My family intervened in my life after I was suspended from University for academic probation. I enlisted in the US Air Force and served overseas in Germany for almost 2 years. My knee was injured and my alcoholism was out of control. I am fortunate that the staff that managed me gave me an Honorable Discharge. I believe they knew I was a sick young man as the Counselor that I was asked to see stated that “You have problems Daniel”.

I had my longest relationship with a woman in New York State after working in the airline business for 5 years. She was good for me and I remember throwing away all of the women’s clothes while I lived with her. We had good sex almost every night.

One night she came to bed and was crying. She told me that she had lost the baby by miscarriage. This made me very sad also and I was a little naive at the same time. It did not cross my mind that having unprotected sex would result in the female getting pregnant. I have no children now. Our relationship of a year ended when I lost my construction job in New York City. The picture below is when I visited my father and step mother in 1983. They were living in Greece at the time so my father could be able to travel to all of the construction projects that he was managing around the world.

Early On Father’s Day morning 1988, I was burned over half my body with second and third degree burns. I had come home intoxicated and left something on the stove in the kitchen. The fire alarm woke me up out of a drunken stupor and I barely got out of an apartment fire. Because the emergency room at the hospital takes your blood and urine upon admittance, I was diagnosed with alcoholism for the first time.

I did not get sober the first time I went through treatment but did finally get sober when I crawled into a VA Hospital in 1994. I have been sober since and this is the 25th anniversary week of my recovery thanks to God, recovery group fellowship and the spiritual principles in the literature of those substance abuse recovery groups.

I made a first attempt at trying to transition my body parts from male to female for a few weeks in 1995. I was living in the rural south at the time and am so glad I was not successful. My sister asked me to come and visit her and I decided to leave the south.

Tragic Mistake

Looking back now, I realize that I was living in self-centered fear. I was not talking with a recovery group sponsor and pushed God out of my life except for my morning prayer asking for God to keep me sober. I played God in my own life. I began reading the Bible in 2004 but I was not studying the Bible with a group of people.

If you have the gender dysphoria problem, get honest with yourself first and seek help. Tell someone your inner deepest and darkest secrets. You are only as sick as your secrets. Oh how I wish I could go back to 2004 and not go down the painful road I have been on.

Transition to Female Body Parts

If you are born a male, you have XY chromosomes assigned by the Creator God and you can never have XX chromosomes that a female has. The reverse applies to females. You will never have XY chromosomes. Scientifically, there is no possible way to have a sex change. You can have body parts added or removed and surgeons are just waiting to do this for you. My advice is be brutally honest with yourself and get mental health care. Unpack all of your past with your provider. I did not share about the child hood abuse that I experienced and the provider did not ask.

In 2004, I was practicing what had become a normal pattern for me by isolating and masturbating while wearing women’s clothes. I had no social life and no girl friend. All I did was go to work, go to church, go to substance abuse recovery groups, get groceries and do my online studies for completing my business degree.

During this time, I found a person’s blog that wrote about their experience with having their male body parts removed. An isolated alcoholic is not being restored to sanity and thinks insane thoughts. I went for surgery in 2006. Here is a picture that my step mother took in 2007.

Serious Depression

I remember feeling a little bit better about myself for around 6 months. This was probably a temporary relief from the child hood abuse and the emotional abuse of me not ever amounting to much like my father. I did not know it but a woman came into my life and pointed out to me that I had a resentment against the principle of masculinity.

My father had deep emotional wounds and rarely would have a discussion with me growing up. He was not around much due to the divorce. Being almost father less plus what my mother told me created the resentment against masculinity.

In the spring of 2007, the VA asked me to start attending a support group for people that had been through the body part removal process. I almost committed suicide in 2008. I sold my firearm after learning how high the suicide rate is for people with gender dysphoria.

Detransition Begins

In May 2014, I moved to a new home and began seeing a Ph. D Level Psychologist. I felt very comfortable with this provider right away. I told her that I regretted what I had done. We worked together and she kept an eye on my staying active in my church fellowship and in the substance abuse recovery groups that I attend.

In February 2016, I was attending a Discipleship Training program at the church I was attending. One of the main principles I learned was God Centered Prayer. Instead of self-centered prayer of God give me this, God give me that, I began praying for people. I began praying for the outreach of the church to help people in need. I began praying for everyone except me. What happened as a result of being connected back to God and the Holy Spirit is a lightning bolt experience.

Radical Prayer

I was on my knees praying to God right after my birthday in 2016. I had a dialogue with God. I told God that I was unhappy and I asked to be healed. I felt a power like no other come over me. God convicted me instantly that the decision that I made in 2004 was not HIS Will. I could hear the Holy Spirit telling me that I was walking around trying to appear as a female in a body that God created as male. Because I had been reading the Bible since 2004, I had the scripture in 1 Thessalonians 5:22 come into my mind:

Abstain From the Appearance of Evil.

I had a brief moment of doubt about what I was facing because of the long process of changing your gender from male to female. I remember sending my Lead Pastor an email right away asking for help. He replied quickly and told me he had been praying for me.

Legal Changes

The speed that God has healed me has been incredible. I got a court date immediately for the legal name change process back to my biological name that Dad gave me.

People in the local substance abuse recovery groups embraced me and told me they were happy for me. I have never had so many hugs in my life. I was finally free. God ripped out the 54 year sexual dysfunction or gender identity disorder instantly. Writing my book and the Return to Daniel Summary is my calling. Climbing mountains is a passion of mine.

People in my local church were also hugging my neck and so happy for me. Elders of the church gave me clothes. People helped me with so many things that I needed. I am forever grateful. Because this is a sensitive issue, I am not going to display any of my friends photos but I have many pictures of friends next to me as people were so happy for my healing that God accomplished. It is wonderful to not be isolated anymore.

If you know anyone that has suffered from sexual abuse, I recommend Video 16 on this website. It is in season 2 of Multitude of Counselors.

Surviving Sexual Trauma

Conclusion

If you are a Christian, never judge or condemn someone that has this disorder or mental illness. Jesus practiced love when HE healed. He also told the woman caught in Adultery to Sin No More so we should repent and turn from our sin. You will be so happy if you give your problem to God and allow HIM to heal you.

Hope you have enjoyed reading Return to Daniel Summary post. If you want me to come and share my testimony at your facility, please send me a message on my Page below.

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